Ninja

BARNEGAT, N.J.—It's the case of the nonexistent ninja. Public schools in Barnegat were locked down briefly after someone reported seeing a ninja running through the woods behind an elementary school.

Turns out the ninja was actually a camp counselor dressed in black karate garb and carrying a plastic sword.

FAIL

Fail Phone

JUNE 23--Meet Jeffrey Barrier. The Ohio man allegedly used a cell phone camera to snap photos of a naked woman at a tanning salon Saturday and then hid the phone in his anus in a bid to thwart police.

FAIL

Fail Depot

JUNE 13--A St. Louis man claims that he was injured last year after being glued to a toilet seat in a Home Depot and is suing the retail giant for negligence. Haywood Rosales, 31, charges that during an August 2007 visit to a Home Depot in Florissant, Missouri he used a store bathroom and came into contact with a toilet seat "covered with adhesive," according to his Circuit Court lawsuit.

When Rosales stood up, the complaint asserts, he "received cuts, bruises, and tearing on his buttocks and thighs," and subsequently "endured the embarrassment, pain, and suffering of the initial injury and its concomitant treatment."

FAIL

Diaper

NEW ORLEANS -- A man wore a diaper full of heroin until police searched him, officers said.

According to a statement from New Orleans U.S. Attorney Jim Letten, Frank Keys Jr. has been charged with possession with intent to distribute more than 100 grams of heroin, reported WDSU-TV in New Orleans.

FAIL

Failection

BUCHAREST (Reuters) - The residents of a Romanian village knowingly voted in a dead man as their mayor in Sunday's municipal election, preferring him to his living opponent.

"I know he died, but I don't want change," a pro-Ivascu villager told Romanian television.

FAIL

Drunk Mom

A PATROL officer has stopped a car for suspicious driving and found to his surprise a drunk mother had let her one-year-old son take the wheel.

"Let's be honest, a one-year-old child doesn't have the skill to drive a car. We all know that," Ms Storer said.

FAIL

SOTP Again

A road crew in Stockton doing repairs at Royal Oaks Drive wants you to "SOTP."

FAIL

The South Shall Fail Again

MOBILE, Ala. (AP) ― Joshua Mullen just wanted to kill the bees swarming around his utility shed. When Mullen, 26, walked away from the gasoline-soaked towels he was using, he heard a "whoosh" and turned around to see the shed in flames that spread to his rented home and wound up causing some $80,000 in damage.

"Looking at all this, there might have been a better way," Mullen said while a few surviving bees buzzed around the ashes of the shed. "It was a mistake. I wish I hadn't done it, but I did."

FAIL

Fire Fail

Dartmouth, MA (AP) - Couple hoarding 45 gallons of gasoline in a closet burn down their own apartment and eight others in the complex when the fumes combust.

FAIL

Fail Boats

US Navy ships are due to leave Burma's coastline because of the continued refusal of the government to allow them to help victims of Cyclone Nargis.

The navy said it would withdraw the four ships, carrying helicopters and landing craft, after 15 failed attempts to convince the regime to let them in.

FAIL

McFail

TEMECULA, Calif. - In the end, the elusive chicken that took up residence outside a McDonald's just got too comfortable in its new home.

For four months customers tried unsuccessfully to catch the brown hen using bait or bare hands. Last week, the fast fowl was finally captured after it settled in for the night right on top of the drive-through window box.

FAIL

Isolation Fail

ZAGREB, Croatia (AP) -- Governments have changed. War erupted and ended. Neighbors had children, and then grandchildren. But Hedviga Golik never left her tiny apartment in Croatia's capital -- until her mummified body was carried out this week, 35 years after she died.

Neighbors now argue the apartment should be divided among the remaining tenants.

FAIL

Chem Can't

Lebanon, PA man's naked, drunken porta-potty adventure ends when EMTs in hazmat suits must forcibly remove him from the toilet seat with liquid soap and power tools.

FAIL

Typo Fial

The easy way out would have been to tell the graduates of Westlake High School that the misspelling on their diplomas was a final test.

A test. Yeah, that's it.

Instead, Principal Timothy Freeman fell on his red pen, shouldering responsibility for the diplomas issued to 330 Westlake graduates at the Wolstein Center in Cleveland on Saturday that read board of "educaiton," not "education."

FAIL

Pop Culture Name Fail

A City of Poughkeepsie man was arrested after leading police on a high-speed chase through the city, which came to an end on the lawns of two Washington Street homes.

Officer Garth Mason was on Market Street at 6:37 p.m. when he saw a car, operated by Landocalrissan Butler, 27, of Winnikee Avenue, speeding and moving into the officer’s lane, almost striking his car, said Deputy Chief Tom Ghee.

FAIL

Generation Gap Fail

"Please let me know what camel toads are and how I might be able to tell if he is smoking, taking or licking them."

FAIL

$360 B Fail

A man has been accused of attempting to pass a $360 billion check, which he claims was given to him by his girlfriend’s mother to start a record business, Fort Worth police said.

When the bank contacted the check owner, the woman said she did not write a check for $360 billion.

FAIL

Conflict of Interest Fail

The US military has awarded an $80 million contract to a prominent Saudi financier who has been indicted by the US Justice Department. The contract to supply jet fuel to American bases in Afghanistan was awarded to the Attock Refinery Ltd, a Pakistani-based refinery owned by Gaith Pharaon. Pharaon is wanted in connection with his alleged role at the failed Bank of Credit and Commerce International (BCCI), and the CenTrust savings and loan scandal, which cost US tax payers $1.7 billion.

FAIL

Lighthouse Fail

WELLFLEET, Mass. - Local historians for decades thought the 30-foot tall lighthouse that once overlooked Wellfleet Harbor had been taken down and destroyed in 1925.

Turns out, it had just been moved to the California coast.

FAIL

The Failing Dutchman

UTRECHT, Netherlands - Dutch police say a man who pushed his exposed buttocks against a restaurant window as a joke was injured when the glass broke and lacerated his behind.


FAIL

Marinated Money Fail

BEIJING, (Xinhuanet) -- A Vietnamese man in Norway who believed that mixing cash with a special liquid could double its value suffered in fact a loss of 35,000 U.S. dollars, according to media reports Monday.

"He has given a statement that leads us to believe that he really believed this was possible. But we are of course having a hard time understanding how someone could actually believe such a tall tale," police officer Ragnar Ingberg said.

FAIL

Tumor Towel

TOKYO (AFP) - Doctors who carried out surgery on a Japanese man to remove a "tumour" had good news and bad news for him. He did not have cancer -- but the "growth" that had been causing him pain was in fact a 25-year-old surgical towel.

"The towel was greenish blue although we are not sure about its original colour."

FAIL.